CAUTION: READING THIS MIGHT BE DANGEROUS
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED






i totally hate her now..now that i think back. i shouldnt have even have plunge in so quickly. i should have taken his warnings and take precaution.but i shook away his warning telling him that i think it would be ok. WHY why WHY!! i thought that if the feelings was there , she would return to me the same feelings and i would be contented. but it didnt turn out to be as simple as it would be. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I CAME TO LOVE, but wtf.. it just ended so fast but hurt me so much. I thought to myself that this isnt the normal me. Why have i come to hate.. have i turned into a sore loser? or issit that i cant accept the facts.

baby i really want you back. i really still want to see you everyday be by your side.but i know.. its impossible now. I know its hard of you to make those decisions.with those mix feelings for me and him. The only person i can blame is myself for being so immature and to come to trust so easily. I should have detected stuff earlier and not love you till i was sure. But i thought if i came to be sincere, everything might just be fine. Guess i was just too simple minded and immature afterall.

I remembered nana telling me that crying it all out would make you feel better.I knew i could cry anytime and anywhere, but i just didnt want to. Not on my bed, not anywhere in my house. I really needed someone to be beside me if i cried. I thank nana for always being there for me. I'm sorry nana if i took time out from you. But i was glad.. i could hold back today again. Or rather , i kept myself bz to stop thinking about it. I really wanna cry out loud now. but i dun dare. What will happen if any of my familiy members knows about it ? i really dun wanna bother them about it. They aint someone i wanna talk to about. Neither did i want to cry in school. Many would ask me what happen and i would get irritated. Well that leaves me no place to cry at all.

I thought i would be fine and as long as i stop thinking about her, i wont be affected. But my mind just doesnt obey. I close my eyes open my eyes, sleep eat WATEVA SHIT i did even though i told myself to not think about her, i'll still. I dunno why i'm this way, all i know it spoils my day. At least , everybody thought that i was shack thats all and no one ask about anything. i'm grateful for that. I wanna move on , but my heart just cant. The worst thing was when i saw " i just hope that i he would be by my side for christmas". Buddy huh?? wtf lah..i know i'm jealous and i cant help it.

Well i'm really worrying about my projects now. i'm wondering whether my group members have done thier work and whether can we make it on time. i juz have the feeling that they haven start on anything yet. well its been 5 days since i touched WAD and even MAYA. i really just didnt have the mood to do anything. My mind's just SO DISTRACTED. I REALLY CANT HELP BUT THINK ABOUT IT.

FUCK THE MOOD-LESS-NESS.

I'm standing at the cross-roads now,

This time a path i'm forced to take.

The path of a bad thunderstorm,

With no rainbows after the rain.

Facing the road i was forced to take,

I wanted so much to turn back.

But as i turn to look back at the road,

I found it quite hard to move back.

Moving forward would always be faster then reversing.

I move on the path i was forced to take,

The thunder striking so loudly.

And sometimes i fear of the big bad lightning,

I wonder "when will it ever strike me".

Of course i wish that it will never strike me,

And that i could walk out harmless.

But on and on i fear of the thunder roaring so loudly,

and whether would i walk out alive.