sispec life is both mind and physically chanllenging man.
each time i go home, all i want to do is relax and spend time with my family and friends.
thank god i have a bunch of bunk mates who cheer me up!

still, i wonder... what am i doing in the army?
i cant find anyway to motivate myself to actually serve happily.
in this term of army, i'm really starting to feel inferior towards others,
that ability to remain positive and maintain a high lvl of energy- i simply just cant find it anymore.
but others are actually still making it up to the standards.
and even excelling in watever they do.
i wonder how they actually do that.

i have often been the one being so initiative,
leading a bunch of people and actually enjoying it.
i have always adapted to whatever environment that is,
and knew i gave my best in everything i do.

BUT STILL... i fail to actually do any of that in the army.
that motivational factor,
that moment of impulse that says " YES I WANT TO DO IT " with confidence.
and actually do it well.


well YES I WANNA PERFORM WELL DAMMIT!
but.. for the first time,
i am afraid of underperforming,
afraid of making mistakes...
thus, doing everything safely.

where is that chang yong who does his best without caring of any obstacles in his way?
i gotta find him back!
i gotta find my confidence back.
cos... i'm not liking how things are the way it is now.

the only challenge is,
to maintain that garangness and not be hated for being that garang.

but still, the first step is to get my blurness away....